Well, another PitchWars has come and gone.

And this year’s was as productive as last year’s, meaning I didn’t make it in. Oh, believe me, I am so bummed. I don’t get it, and yet I completely understand. I almost feel like a failure at writing. A hack. Almost. I mean the people who have read my stuff seem to really like it…all but a few–and I’m including my fanfiction days in this thought. And that one gets it, but doesn’t. Well, I should say almost everyone gets it. The mentors and one agent didn’t.

But, I’m not out no matter how down I am. I’m definitely lost and wandering right now.

I don’t know what to do about him. Darrows is going on the back burner. I’ve got to finish another story, whether my heart is into finishing it…because I’m not sure my writing is anything to…well, write home about. (Maybe I’m further down than I’m willing to admit.) As for the other project…I don’t even know what to do about that. I feel like my style of writing is lacking energy(?) or flowery fire it seems others can write with ease. I can’t figure out what it lacks, can’t afford the time or money for classes or courses…so…

To quote Rachel to my writing, “Maybe we should take a break.” (And yes, I’m a believer of Rachel saying it first…because she did. see Friends, Season 3 ep 15)

no matter how much I didn’t like Ross for what he did, I cannot deny he was correct.

But then, I did sign up to do this yesterday…well before the list posted for PW.

{The Sketchbook Project}

It’s really one of the best IG accounts I follow. And I adore that it’s a grouping of normal people who journal about their lives, travels, whatever the theme is…And yesterday I noticed they had a new challenge open and I decided to participate. I know the exact fictional story my future self will tell my current self. I have thirty-two pages to write my chapters on…and I’m already planning a rough draft.

Until I read the list last night…Now, I doubt I’m worthy. I mean, this is like an international thing. What was I thinking?

Okay, you’re right Benedict Cumberbatch…even if I’m not a fangirl of yours. I need to breathe and calm down. I need to put Darrows away. (Sadly, with tears in my eyes as I look at Quent). I need to think about what I can do to improve. Or figure out why my style has to be the least commercial thing on the planet. Or maybe write something someone is looking for.

Or maybe just breathe.


Filed under art journal, love darrows, Pitch Wars, self-doubt, write

4 responses to “Well, another PitchWars has come and gone.

  1. Rachel and Ross: The lesson here is that ‘breaks’ should be defined with boundaries before going on them. 🙂

    I think the right avenue to take will come along.


  2. A.J.

    The good news is your post has inspired me to comment. I want to say I completely sympathize with you. It totally sucks when something you’ve worked so hard on is not appreciated like you thought it would be. It is true that you have to find the right editor or the right agent at the exact right time. This is extremely frustrating, I know. So don’t give up, even if you feel like it. Also as far as flowery prose coming so easily for others…oh please…just write for yourself. I don’t compare myself to others if I can help it. And see if there is a local critique group you can join. They’re often at libraries.


    • Thank you so much for your kind words and fantastic pep talk. I’m not really giving up. Frustration is definitely a definition of my current mindset…only because someone told me my character has NO VOICE…and everyone else, whether they liked him or not, said his distinct voice is undeniably there. So that hurt…and is what got me down. But I’m coming back. I’ve not quit.


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