And this year’s was as productive as last year’s, meaning I didn’t make it in. Oh, believe me, I am so bummed. I don’t get it, and yet I completely understand. I almost feel like a failure at writing. A hack. Almost. I mean the people who have read my stuff seem to really like it…all but a few–and I’m including my fanfiction days in this thought. And that one gets it, but doesn’t. Well, I should say almost everyone gets it. The mentors and one agent didn’t.
But, I’m not out no matter how down I am. I’m definitely lost and wandering right now.
I don’t know what to do about him. Darrows is going on the back burner. I’ve got to finish another story, whether my heart is into finishing it…because I’m not sure my writing is anything to…well, write home about. (Maybe I’m further down than I’m willing to admit.) As for the other project…I don’t even know what to do about that. I feel like my style of writing is lacking energy(?) or flowery fire it seems others can write with ease. I can’t figure out what it lacks, can’t afford the time or money for classes or courses…so…
To quote Rachel to my writing, “Maybe we should take a break.” (And yes, I’m a believer of Rachel saying it first…because she did. see Friends, Season 3 ep 15)
But then, I did sign up to do this yesterday…well before the list posted for PW.
It’s really one of the best IG accounts I follow. And I adore that it’s a grouping of normal people who journal about their lives, travels, whatever the theme is…And yesterday I noticed they had a new challenge open and I decided to participate. I know the exact fictional story my future self will tell my current self. I have thirty-two pages to write my chapters on…and I’m already planning a rough draft.
Until I read the list last night…Now, I doubt I’m worthy. I mean, this is like an international thing. What was I thinking?
Okay, you’re right Benedict Cumberbatch…even if I’m not a fangirl of yours. I need to breathe and calm down. I need to put Darrows away. (Sadly, with tears in my eyes as I look at Quent). I need to think about what I can do to improve. Or figure out why my style has to be the least commercial thing on the planet. Or maybe write something someone is looking for.
Or maybe just breathe.